Today, Congress met to discuss how they would let future disagreements play out. Recent events – such as that law that just passed, the bad thing that citizens were bitching about, and that thing that was just declared Constitutional by the Supreme Court – has spurred present members of the Senate to try to find common ground with their opponents. Unfortunately, shortly after the session opened, the entire discussion broke down as they started arguing with each other about how to properly argue about things.
Those Guys were contacted by These Guys earlier last week as public opinion of Congress continued to sink into the single digits and then grow into the double digits in numbers on the other side of zero. “We wanted to create a bipartisan atmosphere,” one of Those Guys said, “Our disagreements were getting so out of control that we needed to establish some ground rules about future disagreements.”
These Guys agreed, acknowledged by their leader, that guy who Leads These Guys. “It is essential that our disagreements are polite, controlled and made open to the public,” he said, “In fact, These Guys have drawn up a proposal that we think the people of the United States would approve of, and Those Guys should find acceptable.”
As the week dragged on, media outlets supporting either Those Guys or These Guys presented the positives and negatives to agreeing on how to disagree. Local pundents and supporters of either group were extremely motivated to hold rallies and protest the meeting. Polls showed that both These and Those Guys were found equally appalling by the public on this issue. Older people were angry that their lives were changing, while younger people were angry that change was not happing fast enough.
Shortly before the meeting, another one of Those Guys went on the record standing on the steps of Capital Hill and saying that the proposal being brought before the session by These Guys had vast room for improvement. “You can see the influence of their special interest groups clouding the proposal,” she said, “It is clear that there is not enough of our own special interests involved.”
A member of the hardliner These Guys disagreed, standing a few steps higher than the previous Those Guys commenter. “It is unfortunate that Those Guys can’t seem to come together with the best interest of the richest American people at heart,” he lamented, “Instead, they have to have opinions, and pander to the far other side of where we stand.”
Another one of Those Guys was going to attempt to comment on the steps above the hardliner These Guys spokesman, but then a race broke out as members of both sides attempted to get the upper stair. Even after they reached the top of the stairs, they piled into the Senate chamber at full speed, where the Speaker called the session to order.
The first order of business was to talk about establishing new rules to disagree, but These Guys attempted a fillabuster. Shortly after, Those Guys moved to change the topic to one they were more comfortable discussing – blaming These Guys for not getting to the point. Things escalated as the Majority Leader accused the other party of being impossible to work with, prompting the Minority Whip and her comrades to quit the chamber. The vote went absolutely nowhere, and the Senate then adjorned for the rest of the month.
“Well, at least we agreed on one thing,” one of Those Guys said, “We need more time to disagree.”