So yesterday, I wrote about this guy named Wally who wrote an email to his pal Kris and then promptly sent it to the wrong email address. Which confuses me, because my gmail address is very specific. As in my real name-ish specific. Kris doesn’t even enter into the email address anywhere. So either this guy was extremely drunk to the point that he got lucky in guessing my email, or something went wrong at Google. It’s not unlikely the guy was drunk (he is in college). It’s also not unlikely Google screwed up and sent the email to my address (it’s happened before).
Anyway, if you’ve been reading, I wrote Wally back. In a way that should have tipped him off that I’m not his buddy Kris. I thought that would be that and we’d all move on with our pointless little lives. However, this morning, I went to my gmail box and found this:
i fucking hate you, you prick. now lisa wont talk to me since i accused her of cheating with you. also i will never ride in your fancy car that your asshole brother bought you. also you caused me to miss a class that i couldnt afford to miss by lying to me about classes being cancel. i thought u were my friend. we shared weed and all that shit. i stole from my grandmum to pay you back. you totally stabbed me in the back and also i am now in a really shitty place because of it. so i guess were no longer friends and also you are a huge douche.
also dont call me Wally. also dont post those pictures or ill sue you and your mom and dad for so much money youll be broke for the rest of your life. im serious. dont put the pictures on facebook cuz if i get arrested youre going down with me.
Whoa, what? Is this guy not: a) looking at the email address, and/or b) not realizing from how I wrote the last letter that I’m not Kris? I mean, I know nothing about this guy and I thought that was obvious. But he smokes WEED, so now I’m pretty sure he’s paranoid and stupid. I so have to respond to this guy’s email.
Dude, I’m not Kris. I’m some random dude that got your last email by mistake and I thought I was being obvious when I responded that I’m not your buddy Kris.
You might want to stop reading/writing email when you are stoned, because it’s hampering your ability to read/write emails. And possibly the reason you couldn’t miss that last class yesterday. If you could go to jail for a few pictures that could be posted on Facebook … I don’t even know where to begin.
I know this will sound strange coming from someone you don’t know, but – you may want to clean up your life while you can. I’m sure you are smarter than I know, since you’re IN college to begin with. But if you are running around paranoid about everything good in your life, you need to evaluate what’s going on in the background that could be causing all this stress.
Anyway, take care, man. Good luck, and I hope you forgive Kris because he didn’t write that last email.