On the 9 am call for the state of Kentucky. I join the bridge, where the Kentucky Technician John (KTJ) and field tech Keith are waiting:
Me (start Indian Accent Here): Hello, this is Saumu Badir from AT&T.
Me: I will be doing your call today.
KTJ: Uh, okay.
KTJ: Did something happen to Nathan?
Me: I do know this Na-tan person of which you speak.
Me: Shall we proceed with turning down your circuit today?
KTJ: Uh, this is a turn up. We’re turning up a circuit.
Me: Very good. Shall I turn down the circuit now?
KTJ: No, turn up. You need to turn the interface up for this circuit.
Me: Very good. I have deleted the interface for this circuit.
KTJ: NO! Turn it up! That means enable the interface.
Me: Hmmmm, let me check my manual and I shall get back to you.
(Hold up my phone/MP3 player with Kenny G music to pretend to be on hold, still listening)
KTJ: Hey, Keith. I don’t know what’s happening, but this is crazy!
Keith: Just give ’em a second. Maybe he’ll turn it back up.
Me: Yes, are you still there?
KTJ: Yes, we’re still here. Did you reload the interface?
Me: Yes, I have deleted the interface for that circuit.
KTJ: Aaaah! Please, can I talk to someone who know what they are doing?
Me: I am knowing what to do. I have my manual right here.
(Keith is laughing)
KTJ: You are suppose to turn up the interface. TURN UP, not turn down!
Me: Hmmmmm, please hold.
KTJ: No, don’t put me on –
(Doing the hold thing again, still listening)
Keith: Oh man. This is hilarious.
KTJ: For you, maybe. I mean why would … (lightbulb!)
KTJ: Oh my God. NATE!
KTJ: That was funny, but God damn it you had me worried there.
Me (end Indian Accent Here): April Fool’s!
Keith: Hahahahahahahaha! Your accent was perfect! Punked!
KTJ: You shut up. I was having a literal stroke over here! LOL.
Man, I thought this one up in the shower this morning, and I just had to do it. I mean, it is a technician’s worse nightmare to suddenly be saddled with a guy in India who doesn’t know what he is doing. It was the only time I could get away with it, so I did.