Oh, and have a Happy Pretend to be Irish Day. Make sure to annoy the fuck out of all your coworkers and friends with your fake Irish accent. The one where you sound like your speaking with a British accent and a mouthful of marbles.
Yeah, that one. JFC.
And please bore us all to death with stories about how your ancestors may be Celtic, in the hopes of impressing all the rest of us pretend Irish people. And strain hard to prove you have some green on by wearing some lame button or handkerchef or whatever. Now you have an excuse to show us your underwear (ugh).
And God damn it, I’m SCOTTISH not Irish. FFS!!!
If it weren’t for all the cheap beer and music, I’d totally hate this holiday that we Americans made up because that’s what we need – another stupid themed drinking holiday that propels our drunken driving death stat into the atmosphere. >_o