1. I guarantee you that lazy people will use the end of the Mayan calendar to not buy Christmas presents. They’ll say something like, “What could you possibly need that will survive the 2012 Apocalypse?” And then when December 22 rolls around, they’ll all be packing the Malls trying to buy last minute Christmas presents and jamming up the roads. Causing me no end to frustration. Lazy, lazy people.
2. Barack Obama will be elected President. Because either the Republicans will put up a terrible candidate, or two of the present candidates will run at the same time since one will not be satisfied losing the GOP nomination and thinks running independent thus splitting the vote is a good “stratagy.” People will continue to be pissed at the President and Congress, because everything is everyone else’s fault, and everything is broken because (name goes here) didn’t do what they were supposed to do. Economy goes down, gas prices go up. Yadda yadda.
3. Lord Omlette will never catch up on his blog. He will continue to lag until he’s posting about what he ate and other boring things that happened two months ago. His readership will remain at a steady 6. And maybe a half. He will continue to be my New Jersey Nemesis, because we can’t decide on what color to paint the Interwebs.
4. Malkaia will tell one of us that his wife is now pregnant. It will either be an April Fool’s joke or the real deal. If it’s the later, he’ll panic so badly he’ll actually message me on Facebook.
5. Lord Omlette will finally reveal that he’s gay. Or that he’ll never marry. Either way, I can breathe easy that I don’t have to hear him complain about not having a girlfriend and reproducing. We don’t need another dirty Pikachu.
6. My son will blurt out a bad word in front of my parents and/or his daycare providers. I will most likely be present, and I will most likely want to jump off a cliff in embarassment.
7. I will turn 40. I think that’s when the world will really end, btw.
8. The Christian guy who keeps pushing out the Biblical end of the world date will push it to July 20th. And then October 20th. And then December 21st. And then into 2013. And 2014. And 2015. And so on.
9. I will continue to be depressed by politics. And write about religion. And listen to/play dance music. My dreams of being a professional, international DJ will continue to be unfulfilled. My aspirations of being a popular blogger will continue to be unfulfilled. My book will continue to remain unpublished (because I will be too lazy to finish it).
10. Sombulus will come to an end. Delphina will win the lottery. I will not see either happen, and thus be left out of the loop.
11. I will continue to get crappy, insulting comments from NeoCons and people still angry about my Ratfist boycott. I will have to delete comments from morons who try to change my mind about politics by swearing or damning me to Hell. Maybe Wil Wheaton will post in the comments, but I’ll accidentally delete it because there’s too many shitty comments to scan. Thanks, Internet. You suck. I love you anyway.
12. I will not being working at the same crappy job. I will be working at a better paying, more entertaining and fulfililng job. I will finally be happy about working. I will finally use my true networking admin skills to do good and bring about world peace.
Those are my predictions. Of course, I realize the last one is doomed to failure by February, but that’s okay. I will feel better about myself, and the world will keep turning. And I’ll keep playing music. For all Mankind.